Brett Favre is among the
biggest rip-offs of all time...

There are a lot of things in this world that do not make a lick of sense. Think about your retirement, first of all. If you are retired, all the best and I hope it’s going splendidly well.

If you are approaching retirement, plan for the best and get ready to just wake up when your eyes open and just relax. If you’re miles away from retirement, keep chugging away. It will get there eventually. Now, NFL quarterback Brett Favre is a different story.



Here is a guy who decided he was done with football and wanted to leave the sport on top. And that he did. He walked away with league records and some of the biggest fame even his money cannot buy. We all saw the press conference with a sad and regretful Favre literally cyring his eyes out about stepping aside to the glorious world of retirement – at age 39!

And then changes his mind, which is where all the media frenzy breaks loose. Will he come back, will he stay retired, will he switch helmets to a rival team? The saga continues but what I cannot understand, no matter how hard I try, is the Green Bay Packers offered this man more than $20 million over the course of 10 years if he stayed retired.

As of right now – Sunday evening – Favre has arrived for Packers training camp so evidently, he really wants to play. But the dumbest thing in the world is that offer. This is a man who was retired and said he wants to un-retire and was offered a truckload of cash to stay retired! If I were retired, this would irk me to no end.

If I were a retired NFL player, which would be funny considering my size and age, I would demand to play again and wait for my multi-million-dollar offer. Favre had everything he ever needed. Records, status as one of the greatest QB’s of all time, and all the relaxation in the world, plus $20 million! Evidently, he really does want to play.

Two other things that make absolutely no sense, and have nothing to do with football whatsoever. First, paying to park. I absolutely hate paying to park. The last two weekends took me to New York. We park in Hoboken, N.J., and take the train into Manhattan. This costs $18. It costs $18 to stop my car on God’s green earth (or whatever color Hoboken is) put it into “P” and walk away.

If you have ever gone to Citizens Bank Park for a Phillies game, you’re looking at $11. To put your car in park. It’s the biggest rip-off in the world next to……Driving ranges. Why am I paying $6 to simply practice a golf swing? The little cart that collects all the balls is rechargeable so it can’t be a gas issue.

Yes, they supply the balls but I supply the swings and frustration. It’s the biggest rip-off since……Corn mazes. The fall season gives life to the corn maze. I’ve seen a sign that says $8 – to walk into a corn field and purposefully get lost! I usually get lost wherever I go for free so this is the biggest rip-off in the world next to……Brett Favre.

Chris Barnes, of Allentown, is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

When did ‘stoner flick’ get
added to horror, action,
drama and comedy?...

I’m not trying to be stuck-up about this whole marijuana movie craze called the “stoner flick,” but I find it funny that something that is supposed to be bad for you, not to mention illegal, is celebrated so highly and made so pop-culturally popular.

The new “Pineapple Express,” which opened last week, is the latest in something I didn’t even realize was in existence. The “Cheech and Chong” movies of the 70s and 80s are iconic on college campuses, and the “Jay and Silent Bob” have overtaken the new generation of “pot-heads.” It was news to me, though, that we even had a genre of a “stoner flick.”



The concept just seems a bit funny. Maybe I need to have a better sense of humor on the topic. People have a hard time believing this, but I have never tried any drug. Never took a “hit” of pot. I guess all the commercials, school assemblies and good-hearted grown-ups somehow got to me.

I’m proud to say I’ve never done it but it’s not about pride; it was simply my choice. Looking back on the movie age, there really have been a lot of “stoner flicks” that have become iconic movies in their own right.

All of them with the joint acting as best supporting actor or sometimes even lead. “Fast Times at Ridgmont High” was huge in the 80s and still holds its weight today. Sean Penn was the goofiest, carefree and constantly-stoned high-schooler who made it famous to get a pizza delivered to class. “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle” is one of those movies I’ve always heard about but have never seen.

I’ve knocked back at least 10 W.C. burgers in one sitting and that’s without the influence of any green substance. This duo was still popular and stoned enough to get them into a sequel escaping from Guantanamo Bay.

One of the greats, “Up in Smoke,” slingshot Cheech and Chong into superstar status, especially when they’re parked on the curb smoking a funny cigarette the size of a rolling pin. They’re so out of it, they still think the car is doing 50 mph. These are movies people watched because they were funny but this new genre is a bit odd to me.

In the middle school where I teach, we have social workers deterring drug use. We still have those assemblies to show them the effects of using drugs and we try to make them understand that, although Hollywood profits from it, smoking or injecting or snorting is not something anyone should try.

Those assemblies somehow got to me years ago. The movies don’t necessarily come out and say, “Here, smoke this!” But they certainly aren’t denouncing drugs either. “Pineapple Express” will be huge. It’s even received 3 ½ stars out of 4 from USA Today.

It must have genuine laughs so I can look beyond the whole commercializing and somewhat glorifying of drugs. Maybe I just need a better sense of humor about it.

Chris Barnes, of Allentown, is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

Fan or not, take yourself
out to the ballgame...

Even if you’re not a baseball fan – or even remotely a fan of sports in general – it is still a wise decision to head on over to New York for a game once in a while.

My wife and I took the hot and overly-crowded subway from Hoboken to Manhattan and into Queens on an overcast and threatening Sunday afternoon to watch our beloved Mets face the Cardinals.



It was her first time at Shea Stadium, and her last, since it will be torn down after this season. A lot of excitement geared up to this weekend’s game, in addition to the fact that it was her first home game in New York.

First, the Mets are finally back in contention; their (alleged) ace pitcher, Johan Santana was scheduled for the game; and it was Shea Stadium Lunchbox Day. Free stuff is always good.Other than those bonuses though, a trip to a Major League game, preferably in New York, is an experience like no other.

Choose a weekend afternoon match-up so there’s plenty of time to get to the stadium and grab some food. Yes, it costs an arm and a leg but since this is only a once-in-a-great-while trip, it’s affordable.

Here’s some good advice. Skip the hot dogs. They’re disgusting and nowhere near worth the $4.75. Go for the Italian sausage sandwich. It’s only $3 more than the dogs and they come loaded with peppers and onions. Do not get beer.

If you truly need beer (or multiples) for $8.50 a pop, you might have a problem. Stick with soda in the souvenir cups. At least now you can take something home. Back to the game. If you’re a baseball fan, this is all a given, but if not, it is still a worthwhile experience. There is nothing like the excitement of being surrounded by 55,000 screaming fans who want their team to win no matter what.

If one pitch looks like a ball but it’s called otherwise, scream out your frustration. Hollering at the TV is not in the same league as doing it in person. The energy is addicting. If there’s a close play at the plate, I dare you to not jump out of your seat and get a better look. When a ball is knocked out of the park, I dare you to not high-five those strangers sitting around you.

When a fly ball comes your way and everyone in the surrounding seats thinks he’s got it, do your best to either get out of the way or get in the game. My wife and I had a great time. The Mets absolutely dominated.

We saw three N.Y. home runs, almost 20 hits, a complete game by the pitcher and one of the best home run-stealing catches in centerfield I can remember. For her first time at Shea Stadium, I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. Maybe she was a good luck charm.

Unfortunately, we cannot afford to attend every game from here through October so the rest of the season is up to the team. But there is still time for you to head to New York, walk the streets, check out some really classic architecture, take a photo in from the Empire State Building, head to the game, grab some dinner and call it a day.

Fan or not, the ballpark (preferably in Queens, not the Bronx) is truly one of America’s greatest places to pass the time.

The only problem with our day was the lunchboxes were only for children 12 and under. Don’t forget to always read the fine print.

Chris Barnes, of Allentown, is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

Competitive gorgers hurt
the fight against obesity...

We live in a hypocritical world in many aspects but when it comes to the fight against obesity and the Competitive Eating Championships, the priorities seem to be going in opposite directions.

Joey Chestnut is a 24-year-old project engineer from San Jose, Calif., with a monster’s stomach. On July 4, he will be defending his hot dog eating championship title against six-time winner Takeru Kobayashi.



Chestnut brought the crown back to the states by downing 66 hot dogs (and buns) in 12 minutes, which is beyond ridiculous. Most of us are predominantly satisfied with two in a regular period of time.

Besides that accomplishment, Chestnut also holds world records in the following: chicken wings (241 in 30 minutes); grilled cheese sandwiches (47 in 10 minutes); jalapeno poppers (118 in 10 minutes); pulled pork (10 pounds in 10 minutes). Why anybody would want to eat that much (or physically how it’s done) is a mystery.

One reason might be the rewarding aspect other than just a tummy ache. Chestnut earned more than $100,000 in competitive eating last year but told Maxim magazine that this cannot be his lifelong job.

“It’s very hard on the body,” he said. “It’s not healthy by any means. Now that I’ve accomplished my goals, I’m having trouble getting motivated to abuse my body.” Quite the opposite of what George Shea, president of the International Federation of Competitive Eating, wants to hear.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is an International Federation of Competitive Eating. It holds 85 contests a year and has expanded overseas. The act of gorging one’s self has become an official sport.

This week’s issue of Time magazine is doing its part to advocate the opposite. “How America’s Children Packed on the Pounds” is just one of the thorough articles to continue the fight for a healthier lifestyle starting early. An interesting look from yesterday and today shows how the priorities have reversed when it comes to diets and why obesity is becoming a horrible problem in our youth.

“In the 1950s, kids had three cups of milk for every cup of soda,” Jeffrey Kluger reports. “Today that ratio is reversed, meaning they get all the calories but none of the nutrients. These days, kids are increasingly sedentary, spending three hours a day in front of a TV or computer.” That could not be more right.

The majority of my middle school students’ grades would drastically improve if I could revolve the curriculum around an X-Box or Nintendo Wii. The Journal of American Medical Association reports that 32 percent of all American kids are overweight; 90 percent of overweight children have at least one avoidable risk factor for heart disease.

The fight continues on. Schools across the country are eliminating soda machines and renovating their menus; restaurants are monitoring their portions better but that does nothing for our willpower and lust for grease. When the act of overeating becomes celebrated as a competition, the fight receives a bit of a black eye.

When the leader of that organization praises these eating machines, I realize it’s his business, but I hope he is joking with the following quote. “I see Joey Chestnut as less of an athlete and more of a patriotic hero,” Shea said. No comment there.

Chris Barnes is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

Clinton showed class in
concession speech;
where is McCain’s party support?

With Republican nominee John McCain waiting in the wings for a while, the battle for the Democrat slot was a fun race to watch.


Debate after debate after town meeting after more debates, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama went head to head against the same issues – health care, the war, the economy, the middle class lifestyle and any other topic they thought could solidify some votes.


Now that Obama has prevailed, Democrats and Republicans alike should be proud and admiring of the way Clinton has handled her defeat.


The former First Lady formally conceded last week but instead of focusing on why she lost, what she could have done better and how upset she is that she will not be moving back into the White House, she advocated her supporters to join her in helping Obama win the presidency. It was a well-crafted but esteemed move.


“Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been,” Clinton told a crowd of more than 1,000 supporters gathered at the National Building Museum in Washington. “We have to work together for what still can be. And that is why I will work my heart out to make sure that Senator Obama is our next president.”


Her speech capped an historic 17-month campaign that evolved into one of the closest nomination battles in U.S. history. Even those disinterested in politics couldn’t help but watch the numbers after each debate and tune in for the results after each Primary.


But on the other side, where has the Republican support been? Remember “America’s Mayor” Rudy Giuliani ran for the job? What happened since he dropped out? Mike Huckabee had a briefly-popular spot on Saturday Night Live and then POOF… he was gone. Mitt Romney? Maybe a little help for your friends? Ron Paul might actually still be running so we won’t count him.


The Republican drop-outs or counted-outs don’t seem to be offering the same cohesive unity that their party also needs. McCain is ready to go but he needs much more support from his colleagues than (keep a straight face) George Bush.


Clinton is doing the right thing. Love her, hate her, like her or don’t care, she should be respected for not only conceding like a gracious loser but for truly caring for her party’s victory of the White House.


The Associated Press theorized that she may be able to help Obama most with her strongest supporters, such as women, blue-collar workers and older Americans. Those groups helped her claim victories in general election swing states including Ohio and Pennsylvania during the primary season. She called on them to give their allegiance to Obama.


Now, the real race begins.


Chris Barnes, of Allentown, is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com. His columns and archives are online at www.cjbarnes.blogspot.com.

Obama’s not ducking debate;
what more can be said?

John McCain must be loving this. For weeks, he has been able to sit back and watch the two remaining Democrats fight for their lives in hopes of receiving their party’s nomination.

Most people are probably wishing the elections would just arrive already. Every single day, we’re given one more reason to vote for Clinton or learn about another million raised for Obama.

This person can do that but the other one will never do this. And the dance continues.

All the headlines and photo captions begin to blend in with each other. The latest, though, is Obama “ducking” a unique debate challenge by his opponent.

Last week, Clinton called for a Lincoln-Douglas-style debate with no moderator against Obama, who says no more debates are needed before the May primaries.

In a TV interview, Obama flat-out denied any possibility that he would take part in a debate with Clinton before the next big round of primaries. And of course, the media will use this as an attack on Obama’s character.

Why wouldn’t he want to debate? Is he scared? Is he losing control? Oh, the horror.

Shortly after maintaining that he isn’t “ducking” debates with his Democratic rival, the Illinois senator admitted that the two hopefuls are “not going to have debates between now and Indiana.”

Voters in Indiana and North Carolina will make their choices on May 6.

In the interview, Fox News’ Chris Wallace asked Obama why he was ducking another one-on-one meeting.

“I’m not ducking one. We’ve had 21,” Obama said. “We want to make sure we’re talking to as many folks as possible on the ground and taking questions from voters.”

He’s exactly right. What new issues can come from one more debate? Gas prices? Health care? The war in Iraq? The current administration? It’s been done and done again.

To be honest, this Lincoln-style debate is just asking for trouble. Without a moderator offering structure and time limits, this just seems like a free-for-all that will lead to shouting and a bunch of “he said,” “she said’s.”

“I’m offering Senator Obama a chance to debate me one-on-one, no moderators. Just the two of us going for 90 minutes, asking and answering questions; we’ll set whatever rules seem fair,” Clinton said. “I think that it would give the people of Indiana and I assume a few Americans might tune in because nearly 11 million watched the Philadelphia debate. And I think they would love seeing that kind of debate and discussion. Remember, that’s what happened during the Lincoln-Douglas debates.”

By now, if you are voting Democrat, you choice is most likely already decided. One more debate won’t change much but more importantly, it won’t bring up any new issues that weren’t discussed in the 21 previous meetings.

Chris Barnes is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

Is Yoga safe enough for
a man’s self-image?

Approaching 30, one would think the stress levels of growing up would start to subside. Good job, married, no kids yet – all that calming stuff. Think again.

The older I get, the more stress I seem to endure and it’s not as easy as flipping a switch to shut it off.

I was talking with a good friend the other day, an old college roommate who is the same age and was concerned about his own stress levels and how, try as he might, they only seem to elevate with time.

One of his possible solutions was Yoga. Not necessarily a solution, but an idea. A far-off idea. Yoga is for women, isn’t it? Well, let me rephrase that. It isn’t the most masculine of mental-exercising techniques.

My friend works out religiously at a public gym – a place in which I have never stepped foot. They have yoga classes available there with the typical male instructor who seems like he stepped right out of a Grateful Dead concert circa 1967.

Dreadlocks, a tye-dye T-shirt, sandals, John Lennon-style glasses and the most soothing voice one would supposedly need to get in touch with our inner-selves. My friend is skeptical and so am I.

Is this really what is needed? Am I too crass to assume this guy blows Yanni through the speakers and offers free chai tea in between positions? (And speaking of positions, the last time I had a doctor’s appointment, I could not even touch my toes without bending over. I doubt my body would contort into the pretzel-ready shapes of Yoga).

Perhaps I am searching for an easy way out but is it somewhat acceptable for men to give Yoga a shot? How confidential are these gatherings? Can I use a phony name?

Before jumping to more conclusions than were already jumped, I checked out Yoga.com to learn something – anything that would alleviate my probably-ridiculous fears.

There are at least six different styles of mats available in different textures and colors. Microfibers, cotton, all-natural, whatever your taste in mats might be. The one called the “Night Streaker” runs for $32.95. Not sure if its name implies is after effects or if that’s just a clever marketing scheme.

Available are more DVDs on Yoga than I own in total. They have Yoga-friendly shoes for $114. Yoga bags, Yoga balls, Yoga bolsters (no idea), and Yoga blocks and wedges.

Also featured is the Yoga “Pose of the Month.” The one for April is called Anantasana, described as a reclining leg stretch. Even if I had two removable legs, this would be difficult.

The frightening thing, though, is this Web site is visibly geared toward women. I’m still curious as to how many men actually do this out there, and if it’s in public or in the privacy of their own homes. Trouble is, I’m still stressed. I visited the site of an alleged relaxation technique and it’s making me worry more than ever.

Chris Barnes, of Allentown, is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

Safety belts should at least
be an option on school buses...

I remember the field trips to the Allentown Art Museum, Crystal Cave and even the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia, which, as a kid, feels like it’s on the other side of the country. Since buckling a seat belt was mandatory in my parents’ car, the thought always occurred during those times as well – why is no option available here?

A popular debate that seems to have disappeared for many years can easily be revisited. You cannot force students to fasten themselves to school bus seats, nor can they be properly monitored; but should the opportunity be there, just in case a student wants to increase safety during the ride?

The federal government is moving closer to requiring seat belts on at least some school buses, and a recent survey shows more than 200 injuries to regional school children since 2000 might have been prevented if they had been properly belted in their seats.

The U.S. Department of Transportation is considering a lap/shoulder seat belt to join another safety feature already on school buses – high backed, heavily padded seats. But would that be enough? Would they even be used? Naturally, districts cannot hire faux-parents to make sure all the little boys and girls are strapped in snuggly before the trip.

My most recent school bus ride came one year ago and those seats were certainly not heavily padded. And even then, as a teacher rather than a student, the question returned – why is extra protection not available to me? I am not necessarily faulting the good soul up front driving these kids from here to there with seemingly hundreds of stops in between, but what about the other drivers?

There are two sides of the school-bus seat-belt debate. Advocates say seat belts have a proven record of passenger safety in cars. Opponents, however, say belts could reduce the number of children that can fit on a bus, forcing them to take more hazardous means of transportation or send school district transportation costs soaring.

I’ve said this many times on many school-related topics, but if the students’ safety is the main objective, “soaring costs” should not be an obstacle in the least.

The exact cost of seat belts for school buses would vary from district to district, since each has contracts with different transportation companies. But while richer districts are looking into implementing high-end technological tools like Smart Boards, measures should be taken for school budgets to ensure that students are getting to the schools safely. Otherwise, those new gadgets seem rather useless.

The National Coalition for School Bus Safety is adamant about equipping school buses with the availability of seat belts and seems to consider the notion a no-brainer.

“If society believes seat belts are desirable and necessary, then it’s a grave oversight for schools not to offer our children that choice. This lifesaving habit comes to a halt every September when the school year begins, as we send our children off to school on beltless buses,” its Web site declares. “It’s time to let our legislators know that seat belts on school buses is an issue of top priority. Meanwhile, let’s challenge our school districts to go that extra mile in the area of bus safety. This extra protection is surely worth the added expense. Our children are defenseless unless we act in their behalf. Let’s not wait for another tragedy to strike.”

At least the option would be there. Isn’t that better than nothing?

Chris Barnes, of Allentown, is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

After defending our home,
too many veterans remain
without one themselves...

Even in the year 2008, our country faces a problem with the homeless. Shelters become overcrowded, underworked or just plain vacant from the lack of attendance. A startling fact that I read recently, however, describes a growing problem with a characteristic of our nation’s homeless.

“Although military veterans represent only 11 percent of civilian adults in the U.S., they make up more than 26 percent of the homeless population,” Time magazine reports. “There are approximately 196,000 vets out on the street every night.”

Without taking anything away from the rest of the unfortunate homeless population, the men and women who have taken the risks of serving their country certainly deserve to have a roof over their head for each of their remaining days.

According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, “Many other veterans are considered near homeless or at risk because of their poverty, lack of support from family and friends, and dismal living conditions in cheap hotels or in overcrowded or substandard housing.”

What’s wrong with this picture? As a kid, I remember riding in my parents’ car and seeing down-trodden folk on the roadside with the stereotypical cardboard sign asking for food in return for work. Never in a million years, though, would one assume that U.S. soldiers remain without a home after defending ours.

Too proud? Embarrassed? Scared? Faithless? Each one, I’m sure, has a different reason.
The D.V.A. states that in 2008, the number of homeless male and female Vietnam era veterans is greater than the number of service persons who died during that conflict, and a small number of Desert Storm veterans are also appearing in the homeless population.

I had known and became close with many veterans during my years in the newspaper business. I loved hearing their stories from all generations and situations – in the trenches, submarines, deserts, jungles, battlefields. I’ve known old men with missing legs, eye patches, scars from shrapnel and other body disfigurements. They suffered so we wouldn’t have to.

It makes absolutely no sense why people who are honored and revered in our society (and should be more often than just specific holidays) are on the streets in the cold, rain, snow and ice.
Veterans Affairs (thankfully) offers a wide array of special programs and initiatives specifically designed to help homeless veterans who live in as self-sufficiently and independently as possible.

In fact, it’s the only nationwide agency that provides substantial hands-on assistance directly to homeless people.

The treatment programs started back in 1987 and continue to offer valuable services that are much needed. “We aggressively outreach to those vets living on the streets and in shelters who otherwise would not seek assistance; we offer long-term sheltered transitional assistance, case management and rehabilitation and employment assistance and linkage with available income supports,” their Web site proclaims.

The trouble with both veteran and regular homeless people is a majority of them refuse the help. With organizations like the VA staying on top of such a problem, though, hopefully we can get that number drastically reduced. Those who have fought for our home should not be without one.

Chris Barnes, of Allentown, is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

If only I could marry
a Beatle…even Ringo...

I feel bad for Paul McCartney. Sort of.

The $48.6 million he now owes ex-wife Heather Mills is probably in his wallet at any given time, both in dollars and pounds. Since the former Beatle and all-around music legend (he is officially a “Sir” as well) is worth half of England, his jolly old bank account won’t even notice the dent but this particular divorce settlement is about principle.

Whenever a no-name marries a huge name, we – the logically-thinking public – start imaginary pools in our heads to guess the length of time before “divorce” is mentioned.



Their situation was especially odd since Sir Paul’s wife of 29 years, Linda, had died in 1998 from breast cancer. Then, all of a sudden, this new blonde with a missing leg comes into the picture. Now she’s gone but she won’t let us forget.

In a closed-door hearing last week, Mills was awarded $33 million plus $15.6 million in assets and property, and $70,000 a year in child support. Not too shabby of a deal. After the decision, McCartney told the press that “All will be revealed.”

Mills, however, is fighting to keep the settlement’s details private. Obviously, this tabloid-ready saga will continue down its long and winding road for some time. But it gives me an idea.

To my dearest Ringo: You don’t know me but perhaps that can all change. I’ll be very up-front and honest with you because that’s all I would ever ask for in return. I don’t find you attractive in the least. In fact, you resemble a pug dog in sunglasses that’s constantly flashing the peace sign for some reason. Don’t take offense, though, sir. (Well, not “sir” as in an actual “Sir” like Paul’s a “Sir.” It was just a figure of speech.)

I’ve never really cared for your music – meaning the Beatles as a whole – and no one cares for your All-Starr Band solo work. Personally, I couldn’t believe tickets were demanding $102 when your personal tour came to Easton’s State Theater a few years back.

In all honesty, you’re sincerely lucky to have been in the most popular band of all time. Your drumming skills aren’t even close to being mediocre. The only reason any of those screaming girls threw themselves at you in the ‘60s was because John, Paul and George were totally smothered. Again, no offense; I’m just being honest. I’m hoping we can build something here.

And speaking of being honest, here it comes. I’m married. Let’s get that issue out there right now. Married to a woman. But let’s focus on us, Richard. May I call you “Richard”?
Perhaps we could meet over tea. You Brits absolutely adore tea. Maybe during our time together, you will grow fondly of me and then our life as one can begin.

I promise to always love, love you do; and to always be true. As long as you promise to never sing “Yellow Submarine,” we should be OK. So consider it; imagine it and understand that this (pointing to myself) is what is needed in your life, Richard.
All my lovin’, CB.

Little does Ringo (or Richard) know that my plan is to pull a “Mills.” One night when I accidentally refer to him as Pete Best, he will surely flip out, thus ending our Cinderella story. As I walk away, my pockets will overflow with cash and the money I get from our settlement will set me for life.

Maybe my wife and I can have a “girls-only” lunch with Ms. Mills to gab about our “earnings” for marrying a billionaire under the assumption of love but with dollar signs in mind. If Yoko is free, she’s welcome to join. I can’t imagine her schedule is too booked.

Chris Barnes is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

Faithful women shouldn’t have
to stand by their unfaithful men...



Tammy Wynette made it popular but the advice to “Stand By Your Man” doesn’t apply to all circumstances these days.

When popular political figures such as governors and presidents do dumb things, I feel bad for the family. Especially bad for the wives of these unfaithful flops as they profess an unethical and sometimes illegal act while the Mrs. stands stoic by her man’s side.

Last week, New York’s (now former) governor, Eliot Spitzer, told the press and the waiting world how he had entered into a pricey sex scandal. The New York Times reported that Spitzer was caught on a federal wiretap arranging to meet a high-priced prostitute at a Washington hotel last month. During the press conference, Spitzer boldly stated that he wanted to take time to “regain the trust of my family.”

Best of luck with that. All this coming from the man who promised to clean up state politics. Now he needs to start at home. Both times Spitzer spoke, first to announce his bad behavior and then to acknowledge his resignation, Silda Wall Spitzer, his bride, stood there with a sorrowful look on her face.

She did not have to be there and, personally, I think it would have spoken volumes had she been absent.

In 2004, when former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey resigned over a gay affair with a man whom he hired, his now ex-wife Dina stood right there. She hit the cable news channels last week to compare her ordeal with that of Mrs. Spitzer’s, saying that the whole ordeal is very tough on the wife.

“She is ridiculed and shamed in front of virtually the entire world,” McGreevey told CNN. “She’s not only dealing with her own personal pain but trying to protect her daughters from this.”

Neither woman needed to stand next to her husband at the press conference. These women were abused in a very wrong way and for them to stand (seemingly with support) next to the man who was unfaithful and face the cameras and microphones, they are truly a better person than their other half.

Hillary Clinton seems to have been the best at shrugging off a truly embarrassing situation. She’s currently vying to hold the very office that saw her husband breach our and her trust by reaching out to a young female intern in an inappropriate way. Clinton stuck by her man through it all and, today, he is one of her biggest supporters in the election. It’s hard to say whether that can help or hurt her chances though.

I’m not trying to criticize the wives for making this decision but it only hurts their image and increases our sympathy for them. On her CNN interview, Dina McGreevey urged people not to think poorly toward the cheated-on wives for standing tall yet small at the announcements.

“I was criticized for standing there, as was Hillary Clinton,” she said. “We all do it for very personal reasons. You don’t know what it’s like until you’re in the person’s shoes.”

It’s an understandable point, I suppose. Supporting the man you married out of respect for the children is one thing. But if the wife failed to show up when Spitzer or McGreevey told the public his vows were broken, it would have been an unfortunate but victorious statement that would have even made Tammy Wynette think twice.

Chris Barnes is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.

The measure of a man has
nothing to do with a name...

A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. We shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.
Both are interesting concepts – to accept things for what they truly are, rather than merely looking at labels or outer shells.

Those that bring up Barack Obama’s middle name are just looking for an excuse to complain. Nit-pick, some call it.

At birth, we have no control over the names (or labels or colors or religions) we are given. As we grow older, the option to change is always there but the proud ones stick with it. Obama cannot help the fact that his middle name is the same as Iraq’s former tyrant leader. He also cannot help the fact that his last name sounds much like the world’s most wanted terrorist’s first name. Yet he doesn’t hide from the fact.

Others, however, love to use it against him, adding that we might be voting for someone with lineage to our worst enemies.

“I don’t want to disparage anyone because of their race, their ethnicity, their name or whatever religion their father might have been,” Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa, said Friday in a radio interview. “I’ll just say this: When you think about the option of a Barack Obama potentially getting elected president of the United States, what does this look like to the rest of the world? What does it look like to the world of Islam? I will tell you that, if he is elected president, then the radical Islamists, the al-Qaeda, the radical Islamists and their supporters, will be dancing in the streets in greater numbers than they did on September 11th because they will declare victory in this War on Terror. His middle name (Hussein) does matter. It matters because they read a meaning into that in the rest of the world. That has a special meaning to them. They will be dancing in the streets because of his middle name.”

What a schmuck. Obama’s middle name has only become a hot topic because certain people are choosing to make it an issue.

Republican candidate-hopeful John McCain couldn’t apologize quickly enough recently after Bill Cunningham, a conservative talk radio host, pumped up a Cincinnati rally with a few loaded references to “Barack Hussein Obama.” When McCain was asked afterwards if he believed the thorough label was appropriate to use, McCain said, “No, it was not. Any comment that is disparaging of either Senator Clinton or Senator Obama is totally inappropriate.”

Well said. I’ve always been most attracted to the candidate who truly remains respectful throughout a campaign and chooses not to resort to mud-slinging.

Time magazine tackled the topic last week as well, saying that mention of the H-word could actually help Obama, especially if he chooses not to run from it publicly.

“No matter what his advisers say, Obama wins nothing by shying away from his differences. After all, Obama is the candidate of change,” Nathan Thornburgh wrote. “He should take a cue from McCain’s courage on Iraq. Say what you will about McCain, but he knows he’s the war candidate. And though he may have regretted saying it out loud, McCain clearly accepts that if voters don’t buy his vision for the war, he’ll lose. It’s not too much risk for Obama to stake his campaign on voters’ ability to rationally understand the difference between a Hawaii-born Christian and Saddam Hussein, the butcher of Baghdad.”

It should be Obama’s choice to discuss, though. He didn’t choose any part of his name, nor did he choose his race. He did choose his current path, however, and if we are prepared to elect the man (or woman) for what’s beneath that outer shell, all name references should be left outside the voting booth.

Chris Barnes is the former editor of The Free Press and The Saucon News. His e-mail address is chrisbarnesopinion@gmail.com.